bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

image

When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

(Source: toocooltobehipster)

24,427 notes

zwampert:

[ x ]

Sometimes I wonder whether or not Team Rocket was even real in this movie.

20,255 notes

dauntless-duckling:

jessa-84:

image

Ask and you shall receive. Behold - The Majestic Moose

I reblogged before and i reblogged again

77,506 notes

godmodwaffles:

shojo:

noratshere:

My steampunk robo-hand evolved

*EXTERNALLY SCREECHING*

*white mom voice* INK POISONING

37,881 notes

godmodwaffles:

shojo:

noratshere:

My steampunk robo-hand evolved

*EXTERNALLY SCREECHING*

*white mom voice* INK POISONING

37,881 notes

theraginazian:

desmond-the-creppy-bear:

srsfunny:

Soft rocks…http://srsfunny.tumblr.com/

can you imagine though
you send your enemies a rather large amount of these in various sizes. you leave no return address or explanation. they open all the boxes to discover these wondrous pillows. they are reluctant to keep them but eventually they give in and integrate them into their home like the above pictures. after a few weeks or even months, theyve gotten accustomed to having them in their home and routinely relax in a large pile of the odd pillows. until one night you just take every single one back and replace them with actual rocks of the same dimensions so that when its time for them to relax and unwind from their day day fall into a pile of hard unmoving boulders. they break their spine and are paralyzed. you have won

What the fuck is wrong with you…

theraginazian:

desmond-the-creppy-bear:

srsfunny:

Soft rocks…
http://srsfunny.tumblr.com/

can you imagine though

you send your enemies a rather large amount of these in various sizes. you leave no return address or explanation. they open all the boxes to discover these wondrous pillows. they are reluctant to keep them but eventually they give in and integrate them into their home like the above pictures. after a few weeks or even months, theyve gotten accustomed to having them in their home and routinely relax in a large pile of the odd pillows. until one night you just take every single one back and replace them with actual rocks of the same dimensions so that when its time for them to relax and unwind from their day day fall into a pile of hard unmoving boulders. they break their spine and are paralyzed. you have won

What the fuck is wrong with you…

322,136 notes

rapunzelie:

chocolatemermaidya:

rapunzelie:

do you ever feel like there’s just so many pretty girls but most dudes are just subpar like there are radiant goddesses everywhere and just piles and piles of guys in backwards baseball caps and sandals

it’s called makeup

you can put eyeliner on a frat boy that doesn’t change the fact that’s he’s wearing a neon muscle shirt and nike flip flops

380,547 notes

hipppiebaby:

zethie:

rougeoctobre:

i don’t care if it’s a only a joke, please don’t make comments about how someone’s choice of field of study isn’t going to take them anywhere because it can be a great source of stress and your joke won’t help.

also, destroy the idea that we should only pursue dreams if they are likely to give you status in this capitalist piece-of-shit society.

Agh this

(Source: headednorthh)

113,756 notes

fucksebastianstan:

basedpidgeot:

feather-in-my-cap-and-cheese:

urbendisaster:

what?

The wheels take impact and stress off your legs, and the position helps your spine, but you’re still doing running motions instead of biking motions, so your legs are getting a good workout, and you can go for longer

nerdy shit aside, iamgine how sick it must be to just let those feet fly into the air and do superman poses down a highway

"Nerdy shit aside u can act like Superman"

fucksebastianstan:

basedpidgeot:

feather-in-my-cap-and-cheese:

urbendisaster:

what?

The wheels take impact and stress off your legs, and the position helps your spine, but you’re still doing running motions instead of biking motions, so your legs are getting a good workout, and you can go for longer

nerdy shit aside, iamgine how sick it must be to just let those feet fly into the air and do superman poses down a highway

"Nerdy shit aside u can act like Superman"

(Source: cute-decoration)

454,871 notes

butji:


Christianist Texas Republican Senator Dan Patrick accidentally praises gay marriage ruling 

so good

butji:

Christianist Texas Republican Senator Dan Patrick accidentally praises gay marriage ruling 

so good

(Source: christiannightmares)

158,715 notes

snorlaxatives:

methfab:

snorlaxatives:

i want a sugar mama in my life

image

not what i had in mind but she will do

(Source: snorlaxatives)

176,615 notes

pube-essence:

molliedollie:

the-last-enemy:

Robbie Coltrane with his double Martin Bayfield

I want them to hold hands everywhere they go

AHHHH

(Source: gallifreyfalls)

29,866 notes